as many of you know, i went to utah this last week for a wedding.
(pictures coming…this will be a photo-less post. LAME, i know!)
i came home with two things.
1 – a terrible cold. i am so NOT used to utah weather. and my body does not handle a change in climate too well.
2 – a lot on my mind. …
i came home to georgia after serving an 18 month mission for my church in may of 2010 (puerto rico/barbados = best timer EVER!). when i came home, i realized all my friends had moved on (married and/or out of state at school) and yet i stayed here. why? well, i was broke. living at home was ideal at the time. and now it’s been a year and a half, and i guess i’ve just grown accustomed to this life. work. the gym. home. really no social life at all.
then i go to utah.
no, utah is NOT my favorite place. but i was there with some of my favorite people. and met even more amazing people. remembering what it’s like to be a twenty-something with a social life. in a place full of good people to meet and mingle with. and knowing what i was coming home to is just shy of depressing.
yes, and i keep telling myself i have it good right now…living at home is cheap. i have a great job. i have transportation. school is lined up for january. granted, i haven’t even registered for classes or paid tuition yet, but i’m accepted into the program.
i don’t know. i have this innate fear of decisions and that i’m always making the wrong one. i felt fine about being here in georgia until now…now that i see what it’s like to be somewhere else. the fact that i’m 24, i don’t date at all (and haven’t for the past 3 years), and i socialize with people here maybe once a month seems like such a crap hole to be in at my age.
but my mom reminds me that if i go elsewhere i won’t have a car, a job, or be in school for a while…and i’ll have to start paying rent and groceries with the bit i have saved up. that’s enough to start frustrating any thoughts of leaving.
and yes, i know people do it all the time. they move. they find a job and figure it out. they say what’s supposed to happen will fall into place. but looking at my life makes me feel like i’m not a very good judge of what’s “supposed to happen” and “things falling into place”.
and WHY does italy have to be going bankrupt??!! makes any thoughts i have of leaving my current job situation a complete absurdity.
love, whit
You have a lot of thinking to do…writing is good for decisions! c
The fact that I am just reading this is absolutely ridiculous. I should be the first one there to offer my advice and consoling.
I know exactly what you are going through. I have had times in my life where every decision I make feels like the wrong decision because of all the worries and anxieties I have over it. I feel overwhelmed and depressed that I am not in the place in my life that I should be! Im worried that If I make a wrong move than my entire future hangs by a thread and I lose it forever!
Well let me tell you this! You are making the right decision. Whatever decision you make it is right. Don’t stress about the minute details. Look at your life and ask, “What more do I want out of it right now?” Being only 24 and still needing to finish school and make money at the same time, I don’t think moving to provo is a bad idea. You are surrounded by people who love you and will bend over backwards for you if you need rides or food or a place to stay for a while. I stayed on my friends couch for a month when I moved to provo not knowing anything or where to live.
But if you want to continue doing what your doing in Georgia and go to that photography school then that is also a great decision. Heavenly Father will provide you the resources for whichever road you decide to take. Sometimes He just wants you to make a choice that you in your heart want.
For me, staying tied down to a job before your in your career is not needed. You can always find a job. Its not until your in your career that you want to give all of yourself to pursue it and keep it.
I support whatever decision you make cuz your smart, you help me with all of my decisions and they really work. Thank you!!!
THANKYOU.
i stress about the minute details too much. i’m already going crazy thinking….where will i live? with WHO? how long will it take me to find a job? and how will i manage all this without a car?? which is silly because i never had a car before in my time living in provo…i think it’s just the whole….being practically 25 once i get there and not wanting to live with a bunch of 19-20 year old girls that i don’t know. BUT, who’s to say that couldn’t end up being the time of my life?! the unknown is always a little scary. and the whole FAITH concept of taking a step into the dark is scary too.
i guess it’s just because i’m not sure where to start. i already feel terribly confident in my decision to head west. but HOW to make it all happen is now the frustration.
you’re so right…about tying myself down to something that’s not my career.
thankyou SO much for your words of enlightenment and encouragement and support….it helps me stay feel sane about my decisions…and that it will be OK!
If you need a place to stay You are MORE than welcome to stay at my house. If you need a ride or to borrow my car you are also welcome anytime! I work like 3 min from my house.
I felt the same way being ALOT older than most girls in provo that I was going to have to live with these young annoying 19 year olds. And it happened lol. But it wasnt bad. then I ended up moving in randomly with these other girls that I absolutely love that are all 23 and 24. I guess its just luck of the draw. Plus you know more people in provo than you can count! Where you live will be the fun part!
that was probably not helpful at all and just reiterating what you already know haha. But I agree with Elissa that Heavenly FAther trusts your decisions. Im glad I finally figured that out because literally it has made me sick worrying that I am not making the best decisions. I will pray that you get your answer but I have a feeling you already know:)
I just want to second what Chels said. I also want to let you know that a lot of our decisions are just matter of good, better, or best. You are so willing to do what the Lord wants you to do, ie: keep covenants and live righteously; that these other decisions that we are facing will be guided by the Lord. But, also, know that He trusts YOU!! So if you find yourself lost in making big decisions lean on the fact that it is because He already knows that you will make the right one. And if He wants to interfere – He will. ILOVEYOU.
soSOtrue….good, better, best. i need to remember that.
and you’re right…He probably does trust me….i just need to trust that, and myself. it kind of reminds me of a scripture i read just this week that said something like “and they were lost, but they continued diligently..” and i kind of felt like that’s me….lost, but doing my best to remain diligent in heeding what i feel i should do. i guess ultimately i am trusting without thinking i am. right?! i hope so.
goodness, loveyoumuch.