JUNE! Summer of 2012 is already here – meaning the year is HALF GONE. I can’t help but look back on last June and where I was at in my life. It makes me rather reflective thinking about how much has happened in this short years’ time. More so, how much I have felt and how much I have learned.
Interestingly enough, I came to the realization today that I have only had my heart broken twice in my life. I wish I could say never, but it’s something we all ought to experience at least once – for perspective’s sake. For me, both happened since last June. Impressive? Hardly. Both very painful and hopefully very soon, forgettable. I’m not an angry person and can really only think of a handful of instances in my life that I was TRULY angry – The kind of anger that you hold onto for days/weeks and it festers inside of you becoming even more rotten with time. Both of my heart-breaking happenings did this to me. Talk about an emotional year! I remember as the days went on having more and more things I wanted to say to these certain individuals. Bitterness, anger, hurt, sadness, and abandonment all brewing together as one. I eventually learned to let it go – to move past it (the second time around a whole lot quicker than the first) Though needless to say, there were some very difficult and dark months to get through.
Crazy enough, since last June, I have also fallen in love twice. Truth. And we’re not talking just mondo crushes, but love. (Only one being linked to the aforementioned heartbreaks – The second still seems to grow stronger with each passing day)…which definitely contributed to the roller-coaster of this last year.
I’ve definitely developed a greater appreciation and understanding for certain things and people over this last year. I’m grateful for inspired church leaders who held my hand along the way. For family – my parents and their endless love and patience when I was probably miserable to be around – Sisters who cared and listened. I shut myself out more than I should have, so friends were few and far between, but I developed a very personal relationship with my Heavenly Father because of it. Prayer became my go-to even more. There were many times when I’d have to escape to the bathroom at work and end up on my knees because it was the only thing I had to get me through the day or hour. I’ve re-learned that peace only comes from one divine source, and to latch onto it.
Change & Time. Nothing will always stay the same, nor should it. People change with time. Plans change with time. Feelings can change with time. Relationships change with time. Though all things makes sense with time. The Lord uses time in His way for our own good. I’ve learned more to trust in that.
So many changes in plans have been made since last June. The final decision was to move across the country and find myself in a new environment back at school – somewhere that is definitely not my favorite. I can’t believe spring term is practically over now and I have finals next week. It feels great! I’m very confident that I’m where I’m supposed to be and with the right people in my life. It’s more than incredible the path, timing, and bumps along the road it took to get me to this point.
After finals on Wednesday, I’m flying home to Georgia! Only about four days left. Yes, maybe I am counting down – I have my reasons. I’m looking forward to being home and spending some time with family (even if only briefly), I’ve missed them…and then James and I are making the long road trip across the country back to Utah. I’ve missed him more than I can convey with words, and have been anxiously awaiting having him out here in Utah with me. No more spending hours on the phone each day; I’ll get to spend hours with him! Let’s see how long it takes for us to get sick of each other (the 30+ hour car ride may do it..ha!) …I may be blinded, but to me, James is practically perfect in every way – I don’t ever see myself getting sick of him. He treats me better than I deserve and never fails to bring a smile to my face. There have been numerous instances where I’ve felt just the slightest bit down and then suddenly my phone starts to ring and it’s him…and instantly all feels ok again. Saying he’s the “happy ending” to my June-June year is hardly doing him justice.
I really don’t know what this post was all about… though here’s to the end of Spring term!… and the beginning of a fabulous Summer! …and all the ups and downs that got us to this point…