what I’m learning being married

James & I will hit the 6 month mark of marriage this coming Easter weekend. 6 WHOLE BIG WHOPPING MONTHS. I know what you’re thinking…that’s NUTHIN’! But it seems that time is flying in a “6 months ALREADY? / ONLY 6 months!? Feels like we’ve known each other much longer.” kind of way. If that makes any sense at all.

I was prepped my whole life to know that “marriage is not easy & not always all romantic like the movies make it out to be.” (granted, I feel that these days movies are portraying more and more dysfunctional family situations than they used to. or is it just me?) Anyway, I’m grateful for going into marriage with realistic expectations. It has made me cherish every bit of it & have fun in the journey. I think marriage is GREAT and SO FUN and SO WORTH IT! Personally, I’m having a blast. That doesn’t mean it’s always all cherry pie and picnics though.

And for some reason, I just feel like sharing some things I’m learning along the way…

1. Don’t dwell on the little things/pick your battles. I’ve accepted that even though I have the mentality of branching out and trying new things…James will ALWAYS order the one thing on the menu that has”BBQ” in the title. Mundane? I think so. The man likes to stick with what he knows. He’s simple. I’m not so much. And I’m not just referring to our food preferences. I could easily let things bother me. Though I’m seeing that our combo is quite the perfect match. We balance each other out nicely.

2. James is male. I am female. well, DUH! But…I’d say we’re both learning to be accepting of the fact that I will always have to repeat myself a few times if I want to get a response out of him while he is watching TV, fiddling with his phone, playing a video game or basically doing anything with technology. Likewise, he has come to terms with the fact that I’m overly sensitive and could, at any given moment, start crying about who knows what that might not even have to do with him. So, patience is key because I highly doubt either of those things is ever going to change entirely…or at all.

3. Communication! We can’t read each other’s minds, so no use harboring ill feelings about something. I think this is mostly for me – the overly emotional one. Poor James won’t always know if I’d like him to help more with something. or WHY I’m acting cranky or stressed. or if there is something bothering me. I’m learning to speak up about it more. He does the same. I know it has brought us even closer together.

4. I’m super blessed! If I ever do bring something up to James or have a melt down, he is very sweet, tender, and caring to make things right & try to understand. He’s very quick to apologize. And I’m learning to be.

5. I am not perfect. Neither is James. I tend to overspend on groceries. James tends to buy too many gadgets on Amazon. I hate that he goes to bed so late most nights. He hates that I get tired so early practically every night. He hates eating dinner early. I hate that he gets hungry at 11:30pm. He loves being right and proving people wrong. I, also, enjoy being right and do not enjoy being proven wrong. He doesn’t like every article of clothing I pick out for him. He also doesn’t love every pair of shoes or colored tights I like to wear. BUT I’m (we are) learning that we can’t control each other, to accept differences, to accept faults because we both have them, but to also work towards improvement.

6. I am not always in the mood to watch the movie James wants to. I don’t prefer all of his music choices. He’s a constant cuddler. I like a little more space when I sleep. He can sit inside all day. I get antsy and cranky and want to go out. He doesn’t really like going out on walks with me. BUT…we are learning compromise. Loving someone & wanting to see them happy means we do things we might not always like or want to do.

7. Set goals and dream big together! James and I both like to dream big. He’s better than I am at making things happen, but that’s good. He helps me. We set goals together. We both are “in the know” with finances & other important matters. That unity is vital to making our “dreams” come true. It’s nice to be on the same page and work and grow together – To support each other in our endeavors. Especially when there are a lot of bumps on the road there.

 

I guess today I’m especially grateful for marriage. For my sweet husband. For the last 6 months. For how much we both have learned and grown. And mostly for the future we have ahead of us….I look forward to next weekend when we go to Seattle. I look forward to next month when we move home to Georgia. I look forward to a year from now and wherever that puts us. I look forward to when we decide to expand our little family. And I look forward to us being a gray-haired couple still crazy in love!

 

here’s to marriage!

love, whit

a june journal entry of sorts…

JUNE! Summer of 2012 is already here – meaning the year is HALF GONE. I can’t help but look back on last June and where I was at in my life. It makes me rather reflective thinking about how much has happened in this short years’ time. More so, how much I have felt and how much I have learned.

Interestingly enough, I came to the realization today that I have only had my heart broken twice in my life. I wish I could say never, but it’s something we all ought to experience at least once – for perspective’s sake. For me, both happened since last June. Impressive? Hardly. Both very painful and hopefully very soon, forgettable. I’m not an angry person and can really only think of a handful of instances in my life that I was TRULY angry – The kind of anger that you hold onto for days/weeks and it festers inside of you becoming even more rotten with time. Both of my heart-breaking happenings did this to me. Talk about an emotional year! I remember as the days went on having more and more things I wanted to say to these certain individuals. Bitterness, anger, hurt, sadness, and abandonment all brewing together as one. I eventually learned to let it go – to move past it (the second time around a whole lot quicker than the first) Though needless to say, there were some very difficult and dark months to get through.

Crazy enough, since last June, I have also fallen in love twice. Truth. And we’re not talking just mondo crushes, but love. (Only one being linked to the aforementioned heartbreaks – The second still seems to grow stronger with each passing day)…which definitely contributed to the roller-coaster of this last year.

I’ve definitely developed a greater appreciation and understanding for certain things and people over this last year. I’m grateful for inspired church leaders who held my hand along the way. For family – my parents and their endless love and patience when I was probably miserable to be around – Sisters who cared and listened. I shut myself out more than I should have, so friends were few and far between, but I developed a very personal relationship with my Heavenly Father because of it. Prayer became my go-to even more. There were many times when I’d have to escape to the bathroom at work and end up on my knees because it was the only thing I had to get me through the day or hour. I’ve re-learned that peace only comes from one divine source, and to latch onto it.

Change & Time. Nothing will always stay the same, nor should it. People change with time. Plans change with time. Feelings can change with time. Relationships change with time. Though all things makes sense with time. The Lord uses time in His way for our own good. I’ve learned more to trust in that.

So many changes in plans have been made since last June. The final decision was to move across the country and find myself in a new environment back at school – somewhere that is definitely not my favorite. I can’t believe spring term is practically over now and I have finals next week. It feels great! I’m very confident that I’m where I’m supposed to be and with the right people in my life. It’s more than incredible the path, timing, and bumps along the road it took to get me to this point.

After finals on Wednesday, I’m flying home to Georgia! Only about four days left. Yes, maybe I am counting down – I have my reasons. I’m looking forward to being home and spending some time with family (even if only briefly), I’ve missed them…and then James and I are making the long road trip across the country back to Utah. I’ve missed him more than I can convey with words, and have been anxiously awaiting having him out here in Utah with me. No more spending hours on the phone each day; I’ll get to spend hours with him! Let’s see how long it takes for us to get sick of each other (the 30+ hour car ride may do it..ha!) …I may be blinded, but to me, James is practically perfect in every way – I don’t ever see myself getting sick of him. He treats me better than I deserve and never fails to bring a smile to my face. There have been numerous instances where I’ve felt just the slightest bit down and then suddenly my phone starts to ring and it’s him…and instantly all feels ok again. Saying he’s the “happy ending” to my June-June year is hardly doing him justice.

I really don’t know what this post was all about… though here’s to the end of Spring term!… and the beginning of a fabulous Summer! …and all the ups and downs that got us to this point…

love, whit

please?

i just have to mention that men look SO ATTRACTIVE in ties. and vests. and sweaters.

*SWOON*

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one day, yes, one day…i will find my man.

it’d be an extra perk if he had impeccable taste and style.

but i guess mostly i’m waiting for that guy that makes me feel like he can’t live without me, that i’m the most beautiful thing in his life, and that will love me even though i ramble and lose my mind sometimes.

oh, and can he also be very thoughtful?! you know, do little things for no reason.

the little things mean a lot.

and can he please not live miles away?? i’d like to have someone to spend my weekends with. or even my week nights.

…and not be a terribly picky eater…because i’m kind of a foodie. heh

one more thing…know the difference between YOUR and YOU’RE.

is that too much to ask?

thanks.

love, whit

The Beatles were right…

i have come to the conclusion that The Beatles were right – love is all you need – or, all you need is love!

yes, the world has so much to offer, but #1- are things of this world REALLY that important because #2 – there’s something far greater than this world. and i do believe that love will get us the second and make the first more worthwhile.

everybody, whether they like to admit it or not, lives to love and be loved. we could even say that we live because we are loved…

i mean, look at where it all started. love first came from our Father in heaven who created us – and put us here in this life to learn something. that thing is love.

like everything else in life, love is a choice. and i…choose love.

why? it makes everything better!

love understands imperfection. love will make me kind, even if a person is entirely rude to me.

love will make me patient and caring. love will teach me to sacrifice and to give. love will make my life no longer be about me.

love is the over-powering SUPERNOVA of all emotions. it really is! where there’s love, there’s also hope. love overrides bitterness and anger. love brings peace and joy. love has perspective and can see beyond the surface – beyond that superficial and trivial stuff.

i don’t know who said, but i read it somewhere and really like it, “too often we waste time looking for a perfect lover instead of creating a perfect love.” – SO true.

but apart from that MUSHY-GUSHY love stuff is the other love that makes every day great.

like a love to LEARN and CRAVE NEW THINGS – to set goals and go for them. to make the most of situations and time. right now, i couldn’t be MORE ecstatic about planning my Europe trip. to travel. to experience. to enjoy the life i have.

i choose love because it lets me appreciate. appreciate little things – everyday mundane things. places. people. friendships.

i LOVE friendships. the conversations. the company. the goodness in them. just this weekend i was talking to a friend about how, for a long time there, i hadn’t felt like myself…he mentioned that for a while i used to argue with him a lot about petty things. i felt horrible and apologized, yet he giggled and said, “it’s ok whitney, i’m in it for the long haul.”

i feel really blessed to have a handful of people like that in my life. people who accept me even when i’m crazy or at my crappiest. and i want to be a person that can love people even when they treat me crappy, too. we all have our down moments. regardless, you know what they say, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” so i refuse to play that game. make the world a better place, yah know?

i guess what i’m trying to say is – that’s the attitude of love. throwing out the bad and embracing the good.

and then, even the little things. i mean, the really little things that i love give life an extra bit of joy.

like, for instance, these shoes…and those tights! they make me so happy, in a way that only some may comprehend

or the love of creating. that gratification of making something useful or pretty. or maybe just to let out a little inner satisfaction. …

ie: i’m going to have to do this in the upcoming month – LOVE it! …

or you know the goodness you feel when you eat something you absolutely LOVE? haha…i feel that. asian lettuce wraps, among other things, do that to me…

i also love browsing through book stores, painting my nails, and growing a garden. and photography. i LOVE photography. so why not go back to school and get a degree in it? well, i’m going to. can’t wait!

find what you love – and do it.

maybe i am just a cheesy/crazy “peace, love, & flowers” kind of girl … but, i truly believe that love – in ALL of it’s finest forms – is all you need. so go get some!

[ i did not mention it entirely, but looking at that first and great commandment to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind, and strength" and then to "love thy neighbor as thyself" would, in a nutshell - if done correctly, encompass everything and accomplish all of what i've been saying...but...instead of raving about that and how it works for who knows how long, i'll just throw it in here at the end ]

love, whit

things i know for certain

you can go anywhere.

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you don’t know everything. remember that.

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it’s true. each decision we make falls under one or the other. there really is no gray area. and those decisions make up the person you have become.

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there’s something bigger and greater than us all.

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great things come by work and sacrifice.

love is a great thing.

learning to love matters most.

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no matter how bad it gets, you are blessed.

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the truth about people and their priorities,

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what you do does have an affect.

love, whit

share a little love today

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sometimes i just feel terribly selfish.

i’m not a bad person. but sometimes i get to thinking about life. this life’s purpose. MY life. and how i’m living it. and then i start to feel like a bad person.

i’m a strong believer that this life is meant to be lived for others and that is when we discover ourselves and find true joy. it’s about love. the kind of love that makes you look at a stranger and see them for who they really are – someone just like you – a child of God – and love them because of it. the kind of love that doesn’t judge or hate. but forgives and extends compassion. the kind of love that genuinely puts other’s happiness before your own.

i KNOW that when we do something for someone else or focus on helping other people with their problems, we forget our own. we become happy. i’ve experienced it in my own life.

i enjoy “giving”, i do. it brings those warm fuzzies that can be contagious. but to GIVE – it’s not necessarily just the giving, but the WAY or attitude in which it’s done. selfless motives. and often the most important giving aren’t of the material things, but of the self. giving of your time, talents, efforts for a greater good. and doing it because you actually CARE – there’s heart and soul in it. then it becomes beneficial to both the receiver and giver.

so yeah, sometimes i feel terribly selfish. thinking i spend too much of my life dwelling on myself. like a useless pity-party. or wrapped up in strictly selfish gain. never noticing what or who is around me because i’m too caught up in ME. that’s the recipe for crappy days and bad moods.

i get to thinking how much time and money and effort i waste in things that really don’t have value. or lasting value. if we had an earthquake here…or economic crisis…and lost our home, job, and belongings – what would we have to show for our lives? did we build meaningful relationships with others? did we really make a difference? or just squander away our days with selfishness and things that only bring temporary happiness?

you know, it’s already september. time flies. it turns into years. it turns into our life. so much can be accomplished – or so much can be wasted.

in the end, what matters most, you know?

love, whit

beauty is in all of it

life is in the little things. the people in your path. how they are. how they alter your life – if even slightly. i think beauty is a feeling we can find in everything. if we take time to look for it.